Hanmer Springs and a round up of other pictures.

This is a bit of a mish mash of a post. I am still struggling to figure out how to put the pictures in. This is from a short day trip to Ashworth Beach on our way back from Hanmer Springs. It is near Amberly about 40 minutes north of Christchurch. It is a volcanic beach with huge sand dunes. The kids collected sand dollars and shells and rolled themselves silly.

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These are from a trip we took this past weekend for my birthday to the hot springs about two hours northwest of Christchurch called Hanmer Springs. It was a lovely spot. There were a variety of natural and heated pools there. My favorite was the natural sulfur spring coming in at a whopping 40 stinking-like-rotten-egg degrees celsius. It was fabulous. It was a little breezey once you were out of the water, but in the pools -- ah...heaven. We stayed at the YHA youth hostel (starting the kids out early so they are comfortable traveling when they are in their twenties on the hostel circuit). It was great with kids and there were plenty of families in the lounge for them to hang with. Unfortunately it rained the next day, so we didn't get to take advantage of the great treks in the area. We will definitely come again though. It is so close and the pools are worth it.

These pictures are from the Book Parade. The kids had a term end Book Parade where they came to school dressed as their favorite character out of a picture book. Of course, in characteristic Nemeroff style, they only told me about it the day before, so we had to scramble. Sam came up with the ideas of Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree and Caps For Sale by Esphyer Slobodkina. Ethan was upset because no one had ever heard of their books. (I was a bit surprised the Kiwis had not heard of Shel Silverstein). But I thought they looked great!

Hitting the Wall

Thursday I hit the wall. I hit it everywhere I've ever moved. I hit it about at the one month mark, sometimes sooner, sometimes later. Usually I get over it; though when we lived in Harpers Ferry, I never really did. I'm talking about the I-Don't-Know-Anyone-And-I'm-Lonely Wall. Oh, I've met a few people and I can nod and say hello at pickup at school, but I haven't really met a friend yet. The funny thing here is, so far, I haven't met hardly anyone I would care to make friends with. Most of the folks at the school are nice enough to smile at and exchange a few words, but no one I have wanted to have an in depth conversation with. There are a lot of women at the school who are off to the gym or the tennis club or cooing or clucking over this or that. I think if Sumner were in the US, it would be kind of a Red State meet me at the club in a working-class kind of way, and that is so not my cup of tea.

I have met one Canadian gal who lives on my road. I met her because she and her brood lived in the holiday house we rented right before we arrived. She popped by to see if she had left something. She is a hoot, but she has three kids the oldest of which is younger than Ruby, and this makes things a little hard logistically for us to do a lot together. There is another nice man, a Scot, who just arrived with his family, two boys Ethan's age, but so far we haven't been able to connect as families. Too busy.

So, I have spent a fair bit of time by myself. It was a delight for the two weeks the boys finally went back to school after the quake, but I guess two weeks of my own company is my limit. I started to think about how I am going to meet people, because I have to find a way to connect if I am going to have a genuine experience here. I thought about going to work. I even found a lead on a part-time therapist position in an eating disorders program in town. Then of course I have started having the" if I work, how will I manage" conversation with myself. I won't have the freedom to travel, which is what we came here to do. Also, who will look after the kids? And how will I manage the drop off and pick up for school? And what if they get sick? Steve's job is shift work and changes constantly; it is my job to be the constant in their lives. I thought about volunteering. Surely they could use an extra trained counselor in say crisis intervention or trauma counseling say about now, after a major, natural disaster. I called Presbyterian Support (The equivalent of Catholic Charities here), but the Volunteer Coordinator is only in on Mondays and Wednesday mornings). I guess she'll get back to me this week.

The boys are off from school now for two weeks between terms, so I won't be so lonely, but the issue is lurking around. The most interesting thing about hitting the wall here in New Zealand is the question of is it the trip or is it something more? Part of it is being here, of course. But I wonder if part of it might be me, or might be a function of getting older, because I was having some of this feeling back in Portland – feeling a bit disconnected, though there it was muted because of course I was so connected to so many people. But I was feeling a bit lonely even there. And I am finding as I get older, it takes more for me to be truly interested in being friends with another person. I feel like has to be something genuine about the other person. They have to be real, and substantive and full of depth in themselves. There was a time that a situational connection was enough: our children were the same age or we were in the same school. That doesn't feel sufficient anymore. As a result, I feel more and more without who to talk to about real and substantive things, yet longing to do so. (Maybe I should have been blogging all along as this post has suddenly gotten precipitously deep.)

In any case, it remains to be seen how I get over the wall and how the other Nemeroffs get over their respective walls during our journey in the land of the long white cloud.

Guest Post by Steve

Hello all from En Zed (thats kiwi for NZ). Working here as a doctor is quite interesting. The setting is a bit different than what I was used to. Instead of being a solo rural family doctor I am an urban urgent/emergent care doctor working alongside several other docs at any given shift. Shifts can start at 7:30 and go to 4:30 or 9 to 5 or 5p to 12a. Once a month I need to do the overnight from 12a to 7a. Haven't needed to do that just yet. Being at the 24 Hour Surgery as it is called immediately after the earthquake, I saw many people with wounds to their limbs, some with fractures, others with respiratory problems due to constant exposure to dust as their homes continue to rattle in the aftershocks. Alot of people, kids and adults, come in with symptoms of anxiety and restlessness, inability to fall asleep at night, etc, due to continued aftershocks. National news came to film our center in the aftermath of the quake and I actually was on the tely, just a week after we arrived in country. People actually said they recognized me. For the most part, kiwis are very appreciative of the care they receive and do not mind waiting. They are very nice and genuine but very guarded and reserved until you get to know them. They really appreciate it when I explain the why and the how of certain problems they present with. Patients do not actively seek narcotics where I work and that is nice. Docs do not need to worry about getting sued here as in the US. This enables one to practice the science and art of medicine as opposed to cya medicine which drives up the cost of care with alot of unneccesary high cost procedures and diagnostics. I am working alot of hours. Suz and I calculated last week at 42 hrs and the week before at 39 hrs. Fortunately, they are very understanding and open to my taking time off to travel and next week we are going on a 5 day trek. We have not decided on whether to go south, towards the catlins, which are supposed to be beautiful or to Nelson, on the north end of the south Island. With the blizzard they had in the southern part of the south island earlier this week, I am leaning more towards Nelson, which is only a 6 hr drive from Christchurch, but it is Closer to the equator, which means warmer. Well, I am exhausted as I worked from 7:30 to 5:15 tonight and do it again in the morning. I am planning on starting surfing lessons as we live in a beach town and the surf is pretty good. Just need to get a wet suit as the water temperature rivals that of the gulf of Maine. I will try to post when I am a bit more animated and not as tired. Love to all, Steve

New and Interesting Experiences

Overall Sam has done a beautiful job of acclimating here. He has just slipped into his class and his peer group like he's lived here all his life. It really is a thing of beauty to behold.

But yesterday was a tiny bit different. He had the opportunity to join his school's rugby team for what they call a one-off competition. That means a one time thing. The team captain recommended that he join because he is very good when they play on the playground. I think it is all the hockey checking. He is apparently a very good tackler. And the school principal, (also the coach) checked it out that he could play. We joined some other parents to watch. It was definitely a new experience for Sam, because playing a game you've never really played before on the playground and playing in a real game are two very different things, and not being one of the better players on the field in any game was a real eye opener for Sam. It may look like a bunch of boys just running after the ball, (and believe me, if you haven't ever seen a rugby game, it does), but it's not. Apparently there are postitions, and strategies and plays. Sam did a good job, but learning how to tolerate not being the shining star on the field is going to be a skill Sam is going to pick up this year. (The cricket season starts in three weeks.) It is a very useful lesson in life, if not one of the more painful ones to learn.

I had an new experience today. Well sort of new. I rode a horse for the first time in probably thirty-one years. My inner thighs are saying it is a new experience. In fact, I believe I have discovered muscles previously unknown to man (woman or me). It was fun. More fun for the horse who refused to go, stop, or trot unless she felt like it. But I will prevail, and go again next week and give her a piece of my wee little mind. I will make her listen and I will win. Her name is Rose by the way.

Ethan and Reuben are also taking riding lessons. They are doing considerably better than me. (of course).

Well, we have done other fun things, like taking the Gondola up the mountain and walking over it and down into the town of Lyttleton for lunch and then hiking back up to the Gondola (mile and a half straight up). Can anyone say overweight and out of shape and sucking wind with me? (Not Steve or the kids, just me). Check out the link.
http://www.gondola.co.nz/

And another new experience : Reuben learned to ride his bike without training wheels today. Yeah, Reuben! That's a big one.

Well, gotta go pick up the kids from school. Happy Sukkot and Happy new experiences.

Sumner

Just a real short post as it is erev Yom Kippur and I am wiped out from still trying to get settled. It occurred to me yesterday that I am not giving enough weight to the idea that adjusting is tiring. It takes energy to buy and organize and meet and greet. I decided, after putting on my game face and spending two hours strategically socializing with yet another neighbor to see if we might be friends or if our kids might get on, that I should cut myself some slack. This is hard work, even if it is all for fun. We are all beat. So tonight, instead of berating myself for not having written for a while, I will post something short filling you in on where we are.

Sumner is a beachside village of about 4,500 people in about 3.6 square miles. The town was first surveyed in 1849 and is one of the oldest settlements in the Christchurch area. It is technically a suburb of Christchurch, but feels like it's own separate place as you travel over a narrow causeway to get here and because the feel changes from urban to quaint as you do. There is a town center of about five blocks down one main street with shops and the rest of the town is residential. There are restaurants, a small movie theater, a library (closed since the quake), a town museum (closed since the quake), art galleries, a junk store, post office, etc. There is also the local horse paddock (where Ethan is taking horse back lessons, a youth club (where Sam hangs out on Friday's), a bowling club, a croquet club, a tennis club, a surf club, a rugby pitch (field), two playgrounds,and a long esplanade along the beach. This is all on the "flat" which is the flat area beneath the three volcanic cliffs which rise up behind it. There are houses up on the hills which are also part of Sumner too. There are lots of walking tracks and sheep on the hills.

Some of the most interesting history in the area is not about Sumner itself, but about the history Christchurch in general. The Maori in the area had a civil war in the south island and through treachery and sneak attacks, they killed themselves off down here down to only 500 individuals. There is also some really interesting history about how a huge flightless bird called the moa was hunted to extinction in the 1500's. Here is the link if you want to read about it. It is short and worthwhile.

http://www.tourism.net.nz/new-zealand/about-new-zealand/regions/christchurch/history.html

One of these days, I will take my camera and take some photos of the town. The architecture is very interesting. All kinds of houses standing side by side, from very old cottages to very modern structures, and everywhere, the ubiquitous english garden wall. It is a lovely place to be. Every day as I walk the kids to school or walk to the grocery store, I am glad we chose to be here. It is a special place in today's modern world. A place you can't find anywhere. It is a place with specificity. I like that.

Finally

Finally today we did something fun.

We drove about two hours west of Christchurch into Southern Alps. The Alps are stunning, new mountains whose tips are covered with snow and whose sides are so newly formed they are only gravel thinly covered with scrub. I say new, this is of course in geological terms, but the mountains are still growing in this area of the world at a rate of about two inches a year. One of the stops we made was a place called Castle Hill Reserve. It is a park with enormous limestone rock formations that you can boulder around on. It is perfectly natural, but looks like it was somehow created and is part of a castle formation. I have to say walking around definitely felt like a Lord of the Rings moment. The area was/is sacred to the Maori and artifacts were found in the region which are now in a museum. A couple of kilometers away is a cave system to explore, but we will have to come back in the summertime to do it. There are parts where an adult is waist deep in water and it is cold even in the summer. It was not appropriate for a winter trip.

Another stop was very cool for the anglers in the family. There was a little stream running fast into a clear lake. At points the stream was only two or three inches deep and skittering upstream were rainbow trout about 12 inches long. They were so big, the tops of the fish stuck clear out of the water. None of us had ever seen anything like it, and Steve and the boys are not inexperienced fisherman. I don't know if they were going upstream to mate or if as Sam thought it they simply get better food and oxygen that way, but it was the most incredible thing to see. There must have been a dozen or more of them. The boys chased them upstream at least 300 yards or so until they lost them by a road. Quite a sight.

As we moved higher into the mountains, the clouds and rain came down and settled on us. We stopped at a cozy mountain hotel with a wood stove and a pool table for soup and venison pie, then turned back for home. We are moving tomorrow into our permanent digs. Though we only have a couple of bags each, it still takes a bit of doing to pack and move, so we thought it best to head on home. I might try to take the boys all the way to the west coast during the between term break in a week or so.

Hallelujah, school is supposed to be open again tomorrow. So, finally, that should be fun too. Back to "normal."

Shana Tova From the Land of the Long White Cloud

Captain Thomas Track

Taylor's Mistake Hike

Happy 5771!

We spent the past day and a half celebrating the Jewish New Year with Chabad. The earthquake has affected so much here (as you would expect it would). On the eve of Rosh HaShanah (translation: Jewish New Year) at about 4:00, (services were scheduled to start at 6:30pm) I received an email from the synagogue stating that though the synagogue had no structural damage, they would be closed until further notice. I almost cried. The schools are closed, the museums are closed, the libraries are closed, even the frigging mall is closed. Now Rosh HaShana was cancelled. But thank G-d for Chabad. I called them up. They, and a small group of very committed, delightful people invited five more mouths over for dinner and prayer. It was a real mitzvah (a righteous deed) cause I was a woman on the edge of losing it. The hostess had my Nanny Sarah's perspective. She had always said" " There is always enough. You just slice everything a little thinner."

On Wednsday night, the rabbi gave a talk about why the holiday is called the "Head" of the Year rather the "The New Year". He spoke about how the head is more than just attached to the body, it can influence and control the body. So too how we start this time of year can affect how the rest of the year turns out and we can have some conscious control over it. If not, what use would there be in praying to G-d about it, if it were all preordained.

It is an interesting thought regardless of where your spiritual tendencies lie. It suggests the idea that we can influence the whole course of our lives through our intent at this moment in time. The idea really resonates with me. It of course could be from any day forward, I suppose, though "the new year" is an auspicious time. My thought is: It is our intent today, in the now, being mindful of any given action in the moment, that creates the life we build. The question to be answered is: Is this action reflective of the life I wish to be living.

Certainly this past week has illustrated for me how little control I have over outside forces like tectonic plates, or my kids. What I can control is in how I choose to meet what life hands me. Do I choose to see the inconvienences of the earthquake as all about me (duh, yeah...oh...I mean, No, It's not about you, Suzanne). Or do I choose, action by action to respond to what life hands me in a way that collectively builds a life that I am proud of? I know this sounds kind of deep (but horse manure often is) and anyway it's the kind of stuff "one" (I) think about this time of year. Then I feel guilty cause my behavior is so rotten and willful most of the time and completely antithetical to this kind of philosophy. But at least now and again, like at Rosh HaShana until Yom Kippur, I think about these kinds of things, (and when I do yoga, and when I go to OA meetings and after I yell at the kids.)

Anyway, supposedly school will start again Monday for a week, then it will be off for two weeks between terms. I am trying to plan a side trip with the kids. I don't know if Steve will have days off from work yet during their break this time, but we have to DO something. Then I will have something exciting in a good exciting way to post about. Till then Shana Tova!

Above some pictures of two local hikes. One with the kids the day of the earthquake. (Okay, yes, very stupid to go hiking on a mountain side after an earthquake. We didn't really get the whole aftershock thing, except for Sam who kept saying, "I don't think this is a very good idea." But G-d takes care of fools and there were zero aftershocks for four hours during the time we were on the mountain side.) The second hike was just Steve and I when all the kids were in school and he didn't work till evening from Sumner over the hill to a isolated villages called Taylor's Mistake.

If Life Were a Book

If life were a book, the inciting incident in our little story would be the earthquake. Then something life changing would occurr as a result. It might be something dreadful, or something heart-warming and ultimately redemptive. But definitely all sorts of interesting sequela and complications would happen. Unfortunately, (or perhaps fortunately), life is not a book. So, nothing much has happened to us since Friday. We have had quite a number of aftershocks. (One just occurred as I was writing this opening sentence. The walls shook a bit. Nothing fell. ) They seem to happen mostly at night, and I wonder if it has to do with the cooling of the earth.

(Okay, another just happened and that one was really big. Some stuff fell over in the kitchen and the hanging light in the middle of the ceiling is swaying. I was just about to write that I was getting kind of use to them, but now my heart is pumping. GeoNet says it was a 3.7 on the Richter scale. Here is a link to see all the aftershocks.
http://www.geonet.org.nz/earthquake/quakes/recent_quakes.html)

Well, my original premise is a bit knocked around with that big aftershock, but it still holds globally. While the city is in crisis, we are not. At least not on the outside.

On the outside, we have met the Jewish community. It is very small. (Portland, you are a thriving Jewish metropolis). We went to a cheder on Sunday morning and they had group of about seven 4-7 year olds there to learn. No older kids. (Of course the city center was blocked off and 3/4 of the city was without power, so I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt). They were a very hamisha crowd, and like our small community, the Chabad, the orthodox, the conservative and the reform are all one family that works together. I am looking forward to Rosh HaShana in two days and meeting the bulk of the community at large.

On the outside, we are still limping toward setting up house here. We are suppose to move in to our new rental on September 11, but the new carpet may be delayed, because it is supposed to arrive by train (so says the carpet place to the landlords) and the train has been shut down while the tracks are inspected. And the power company line is busy whenever I call to set up new service and the message at the phone company says unless it is an emergency, call back on Wedsnday. So, who knows. It ain't about us.

On the outside, we are the same loud, unruly family struggling to find our way with each other as parents and children that has both love, discipline and respect as the underpinnings of our interactions. This is even more obvious a struggle now that we are living in a country of quiet, reserved, respectful individuals. The pressure is on.

On the inside, we are, pardon the pun, a bit shaken. The continued aftershocks are taking their toll, and the clinician in me can't help but see a "wee bit" (as they like to say here) of traumatic response. We startle easily. Our sleep is disrupted. We're hypervigilant to any kind of perceived shaking. G-d forbid someone shakes the chair someone else is sitting in. We're anxious and irritable. (Though that is me all the time, so it is hard to tell if it has anything to do with the earthquake or if it is just a convienent excuse.) Of course none of this is inappropriate. The ground moved. It hasn't stopped. Buildings have fallen down. School is closed. We have to boil our water.

But all in all, nothing very story-like has happened. I suppose I should be grateful for that. It means that in spite of my childlike naivete (read stupidity) of standing in the middle of the room during the earthquake, right next to the brick chimney (which is mainly what fell over in Christchurch, chimnies) telling my children, "It's going to be all right." It was. It was all right, and we will have to find our redemption some other way, through small acts of our own rather than a great big act of G-d. And isn't that how redemption comes anyway, in the end?

Shake, Rattle and Roll

A quick post just to say we are fine. Christchurch was hit with a 7.1 earthquake about 4:30 this morning. It was surreal. The air rumbled and the house shook for what felt like a good two minutes or so. We huddled all together in one of the bedrooms and kept one another calm. Reuben just wanted us to turn off the lights, stop making so much noise and let him go back to bed. We have only a few broken dishes and a lot of dust, but no major damage. In the city proper, about 8 miles away there is quite a bit more damage which I am sure you can see on the web. I'll post more later when I collect my thoughts. All I can say, in my naive way, I was sure the whole time we would be fine. It felt a little like a Disney ride: very realistic, but you know the engineers behind it made sure everyone would be safe in the end.

The Geographic Solution

I wish the geographic solution were possible. If it were, I would have packed my two bags with my ten pair of shoes and left a lot of the other things I brought with me at home. Things like my anxiety that things aren't going to work out, my impatience with my children and their temperament, and my completely unrealistic desire to be both left alone and embraced by other people at the same time. I would have travelled with only my sunny disposition, my 43 year old self-assured self. (The twelve-year-old-afraid-she-is-a-a-big-fat-ugly-geek-who-nobody-likes would definitely have spent a year in storage), and my sense of can do adventure which got us into this lovely mess in the first place.

We have got a lot set up so far.

We did finally find an apartment to rent. Not the one right by the beach that we had originally thought was going to work out. Turns out we were "unsuitable" tenants after all. The owners thought we were too many people, and given the complete horrible parents that Steve and I are and how we have no control over the kids, they are probably right. It delayed the kids' start of school by one day, but yesterday they headed off, in their matching jade shirts and navy blue trousers, as they say around here. And it, of course, turned out all right.

Our house is a three bedroom three blocks off the beach, in a neighborhood which supposedly has a lot of boys and is around the corner from their school. We move in September 11. It is a much better fit for us than the first house. I wish I could have trusted a little more. I didn't freak out on the outside while the other housing fell apart, but on the inside…well, I might go a few weeks earlier in the end for all the anxiety I put into it. Wasted energy.

We bought a car. NZ's oldest car (that is not a classic). It is a 92' Toyota Vista and cost the equivalent of about $1800. It comes with a 30 day trade in guarantee and a guarantee that they will buy it back for about $1000 at the end of the year. So if after driving it for a month we think we are nuts for buying such a clunker, we will trade up. But I think it will be perfect for a 12 month car and then we can get rid of it and they can pass it on to the next suck-- oh I mean, next guys.

As I wrote, the kids went to school yesterday at the Sumner school. Ruby also started at Pebbles, a preschool. He will start Year 0 (Kindergarten) on November 1^st. So on November 1^st all the children will be at one school, at least till February. Then Sam will go to a new school – high school. (We haven't figured out which one yet, cause we are zoned for the bad high school and now I have to scramble to get him out of district placement which is what everyone in Sumner does.) If I can't, he will go to the local school and get a good cross section of Kiwi society, a good experience in its own right. I have to remember, it all works out exactly like it is supposed to. My efforts to push and shove life into a predetermined box end up in...a house with no windows. (For those of you who never saw the house we just sold, this is an excellent description.)

So...Idid bring myself along on this trip, anxieties and all. I will try to practice my breathing. In and out, in and out. It will all work out. At least I have the right shoes to wear no matter what happens.